A Sobering Stay

Still waiting on one lab test, but I might be going home today. I'll update the bottom of this post when I hear officially. I've still got my work cut out for me, but there's no place I'd rather put in the work than home sweet home. 

This hospital stay has been a sobering one for sure. The significant lung changes seen in my last x-ray were once again driven home, as well as the irreversible damage being done when my oxygen dips below a certain point and I'm not wearing oxygen to compensate (not entirely my fault, I no longer had oxygen at home to wear.) 

I can't help but wonder how this happened. I had a fairly healthy year, exercised almost every day, took all my meds and use my respiratory vest religiously. The pic above (ironically taken last week) feels appropriately symbolic: it's a little gloomy to hear those things yet my body is still working hard trying to stave off the storm, much like the sun is fighting through the clouds in this picture. Ominous yet still beautiful.

I've also been having an issue with one of the IV antibiotics. It's a nephrotoxic med, meaning it can damage the kidneys (and cause hearing damage). They keep trying to increase the does so that it's high enough to kill the bugs in my lungs but are having a hard time getting there because my kidneys have already been damaged by decades of using this drug and can't clear the drug out of my body quickly enough to prevent further damage. 

There's a chance I may have to stop the med, which would be disappointing because my cultures show it's the only antibiotic my bugs aren't resistant to. However, this is something beyond my control so I can only share my thoughts with the team and trust my docs. 

The other antibiotic has already caused my white blood cell count to plummet and I'm still itchy, but thankfully the itchy spots have finally stopped multiplying. There's a win.

This morning luck would have it that I opened my blinds just in time to see the glorious fireball rising up. It wasn't long before it went up behind the clouds but hours later the sun prevailed, revealing a sunny day. It may be a reach, but I take that as a sign of optimism and good things to come...   

This pic does not do it justice!

**Update** The lab test came back and, unfortunately, we have to stop the toxic antibiotic. Bummer. Another bummer is that I can't go home today after all :( The home care company wouldn't be able to mix the new antibiotic in time. Tomorrow it is...