A Rocky Start

Happy new year friends! For me, day 1 of 2019 was emotional but great. Myles, my niece, and I went for a walk at my favorite spot, I spent time with people I love, and I laughed until I cried. 

The night before I head into the hospital is always especially hard on Myles and this time was no exception. In addition to shedding a few tears and begging me not to go (or to take him with me) for an hour straight, he wrote me this letter. If you zoom up close to the drawing at on the front, it's heartbreaking.

Front

Back

My first night here in the hospital sucked. My line went very well but the hospitalist (an internal medicine doctor that works inpatient) didn't even come by until 10:15 pm, which meant that I couldn't start any medications and didn't get a wink of sleep until well after midnight. He also had an awful bedside manner and didn't listen to me whatsoever. 

I was so exhausted, I'd already missed most of my meds, and he couldn't even guarantee that my desensitization would take place today (the whole reason I'm here!) Not to mention that I was not in the mood for being chained to my bed and heart monitors for 5 hours straight for said desensitization. I was instantly regretting the admission and so badly wanted to run for the hills. 

I was stuck in a rut of angsty feelings and negative thoughts, thus attracting more angst and negativity. I didn't sleep at all but this morning I knew I had to change my inner dialogue and the energy I was putting into the universe. 

It worked! I was able to turn my energy (and this admission) around by letting go of all that went wrong last night and even quickly moved past a mistake that literally cost me a lot of blood this morning. I've had great hospital staff today and that makes a HUGE difference.     

Luckily my desens. did take place today and went oaky. My itchy rash has begun, so we'll keep an eye on it and treat with a ton of antihistamines and topical steroid cream. I feel better about being here and am optimistic that the "hiccups" will be fewer moving from here on out. I can't go home until we make sure my drug levels are just right. Fingers crossed it's sometime this weekend. 

Speaking of hopes and wishes, I wanted to share an update about my niece, Grace. The good vibes worked and she convinced the team to let her go home last weekend. THEY WORKED!!! She still has her work cut out for her and is in no way out of the woods, but she's in the comfort of her own home and that's a huge success. Thank you again to all who thought of her and sent good vibes her way, it really did help! 

I wanted to end this by sharing this pic I saw the other day. I think it's so true, this week especially...