Jinx!

     An ironic twist of events has caused my surgery to be rescheduled...again.  I sat looking at this blank page for a good, long while because I still can't believe it; nor could I figure out quite where to begin.  The reason the surgery has been postponed is ...drumroll... because I hemoptysized today (a.k.a. had bleeding in my lungs.)  It was a decent amount of blood and more than I've had a few months, so my CF doc advised me to cancel the surgery [sigh].

     There are so many thoughts swirling through my head and I haven't had time to process it all yet.  I don't know why my lungs had such a bleed after two weeks of IV antibiotics.  I don't know when the surgery will be rescheduled for.  I feel awful that so many people rearranged their schedules for me.  I feel frustrated that as badly as I want this behind me, I will have to endure the anticipation a while longer.  And I feel grateful that the bleeding happened today and not while I was under anesthesia.  

     Unfortunately I have more questions than answers right now.  At this point I am at the mercy of the surgeon's schedule and my body's behavior.  The only things I know for certain is that my visiting nurse will come to draw blood tomorrow, that I will head up to see my CF team on Tuesday or Wednesday of this week, and that the Universe is testing me.