Bent but Never Broken
As with anything in life, there are good days and not-so-good days. Tonight will mark two weeks of IV antibiotics, and unfortunately most of those days have been the latter. What doesn't make any sense is that on paper, I should be feeling terrific--my lungs sound good, my PFT's are stable, my levels/lab work are mostly normal--and yet I'm not. I'm still highly fatigued, experiencing very labored/restricted/shallow breathing, my oxygen levels dip whenever I try to do anything (subsequently causing me to feel very lightheaded) and I have an acute area of pain in one of my lungs.
I've known that something's not quite right, yet test after test has left me chasing my tail. For almost a week now I have been fighting an internal battle of frustration vs. surrender. While frustration can be expected and considered a normal response, it isn't going to help me get better. I do, however, feel that by surrendering to what is and letting go of what I want to be might actually help.
After a lengthy consult with my fave NP yesterday, we both agree on one hypothesis of what's most likely going on for which there's no easy fix, I just have to keep on doing what I'm doing. So as of yesterday I've committed to surrendering; letting go of a hyper-aware mental state that was so desperately trying to figure out what's going on inside my body. Instead I began focusing on the fact that, in time, I will feel better and that this too shall pass. Just releasing all of the energy I was focusing on my body has already helped me mentally; helping me feel lighter and more optimistic.
So the plan remains to pull my line, stopping the IV antibiotics at the three-week mark (next Friday) and continue with my scheduled sinus surgery on October 7th. While not-so-good days are inevitable, they do help us learn some valuable lessons and appreciate both the good days and the support systems that help us through. I know that I am extremely grateful for mine...and for this sweet boy who brightens up any dark day :)
I've known that something's not quite right, yet test after test has left me chasing my tail. For almost a week now I have been fighting an internal battle of frustration vs. surrender. While frustration can be expected and considered a normal response, it isn't going to help me get better. I do, however, feel that by surrendering to what is and letting go of what I want to be might actually help.
After a lengthy consult with my fave NP yesterday, we both agree on one hypothesis of what's most likely going on for which there's no easy fix, I just have to keep on doing what I'm doing. So as of yesterday I've committed to surrendering; letting go of a hyper-aware mental state that was so desperately trying to figure out what's going on inside my body. Instead I began focusing on the fact that, in time, I will feel better and that this too shall pass. Just releasing all of the energy I was focusing on my body has already helped me mentally; helping me feel lighter and more optimistic.
So the plan remains to pull my line, stopping the IV antibiotics at the three-week mark (next Friday) and continue with my scheduled sinus surgery on October 7th. While not-so-good days are inevitable, they do help us learn some valuable lessons and appreciate both the good days and the support systems that help us through. I know that I am extremely grateful for mine...and for this sweet boy who brightens up any dark day :)
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Love you xxx