New Year ll New Me

Greeting, dear friends! Oh, how I've missed you. I have not only missed connecting with you, but I've also missed writing so much. Let's rip off the bandaid and get down to business, shall we? 

2020 was a year most of us would like to forget. There was certainly no shortage of pain and sadness. Yet there were also silver linings to be had. For me, there was definitely all of the above.

Early on in the pandemic, I decided to end my marriage and move Myles and me out of our home. It was not a decision I took lightly by any stretch of the .imagination. It was scary. It was sad. It was necessary. Every fiber of my being knew that it was the best decision for all involved and I was right. 

The rest of the year was one of the most challenging of my life. I moved twice--alone because of the pandemic. The divorce (predictably) became extremely contentious and stressful; many of my friendships were strained as a result. My health suffered quite a bit during times of high stress. I navigated life as a newly single mom trying to figure out remote learning and how to best help Myles through his transitions. My car was totaled in an accident (luckily, everyone was okay). In the beginning, there were times when I felt extremely alone. And, oh yeah!, there was the pandemic happening and humanity was crumbling around us. 

Simultaneously, it was also one of the most meaningful years of my life. While some relationships were strained, many friendships were strengthened and are now stronger than ever. I felt a deep sense of peace that I hadn't felt in years. I experienced the beauty and blessings of kindness and support (support that showed up in ways I could've never imagined!). I was able to learn a ton of lessons that have helped me grow immensely. I reconnected with myself and, once my mind, body, and spirit aligned, my health improved to be the best it had been in years!

I took the time to practice what I preach: I sat in the "yuck" and the discomfort. I felt it all so that I could come out on the other side having healed, breaking old patterns. After all, that's the beauty of the human experience, isn't it? To be present enough to feel it all: the good, bad, and everything in between. Normally, it would've been cathartic for me to write about some of those feelings, but at the time, everything I said was being weaponized so I chose to journal instead.

I could write several blog posts about the plethora of lessons I've learned and continue to learn. Most of all, I realized that when my reality wasn't aligned with my authentic self, I wasn't truly living; I was existing. I knew for years that our marriage was unhealthy but I was too afraid to take action. I felt trapped in a toxic environment. Once I found the courage to honor what my intuition was screaming, things fell into place in inexplicable and unimaginable ways and I began to feel alive again. 

Personal growth is rarely easy and it's definitely not linear! I am not perfect, nor will I ever be; I am not striving for perfection. Yet there is no question that I have grown from this experience. I am stronger and more resilient than I ever could've imagined. I am humbled. I am beyond fortunate to have so many loving & supportive earth angels in my life. I am healthier mind, body, and spirit. I am excited about the present moment and future possibilities. And I know that if I can make it through this past year, I can handle whatever curveballs life may throw my way. 

This was an awkward blog to write as I try not to air my "dirty laundry", but it had to be said so that I can release it and move on to writing about other things. Thank you for taking this wild ride with me.