40 Things I've Learned in My 40 Years

In no specific order, here are 40 life lessons I've learned in my 40 years on the planet:


1. Light up! One of the best feelings is when someone lights up at the sight of me. Without saying a single word, it conveys "You mean a lot to me and I'm so happy to see you." It feels equally as good to light up myself when I see someone I care about, especially with children. This is an easy way to put Maya Angelou's powerful words into action:

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

You matter and I'm excited you're alive!

2. Words have power. Almost 20 years ago I heard the analogy that saying something hurtful is like hammering a nail into a fence. You can apologize and pull out the nail but the hole will remain. That lesson has stuck with me all these years later.

3. I have learned to mean what I say and say what I mean, but to do so with kind intentions.

4. I am far from perfect and have made my share of mistakes along the way. Instead of trying to be perfect, I relish the opportunities to learn and grow. I feel excited thinking about how one year from now I will look back at something cringeworthy I said. It excites me because that will mean I'll have learned and evolved. When we know better we can do better.

5. Assumptions and judgments are counterproductive and often wrong.

6. My "inner compass" rarely lets me down, but it will only work if I remain open, trust in it, and then let go.

7. I haven't traveled the world, yet I still think it's important to learn about other places and cultures. It would be naive and ignorant of me to believe that my tiny corner of the world is the only place that matters.

8. Gratitude is the seed from which flowers grow. When I pause to appreciate all that I have, or even just one thing that's going right, the world simply feels lighter and brighter and more good things flourish.

9. I am not that special. Each and every one of us has unique gifts. Whether or not we put those gifts to good use is a choice we have to make. As Rumi put it:

"The beauty you see in me is a reflection of you."

10. Contrary to the popular phrase, love isn't all we need, but I do believe it is the root of all things good and pure. If I love someone, I tell them often because I never know when will be the last time I see him or her and I feel better knowing that he or she knows how much they mean to me. 

11. Formal education isn't the end-all-be-all. My favorite co-op job while I was attending Northeastern, was working with about 20 women from all different religious, racial, and socioeconomic backgrounds, as were the diverse patients we served. I learned more from that one job than I ever did in a classroom and it was life-changing.

12. Fear and ignorance drive hate. Once you actually get to know who someone is as a human being, you'll see there's little to fear. I have learned the value of diversity and there's no going back. 

13. Nature is my church. Whatever higher power there is, I can't help but feel connected to 'It' when I'm among its most beautiful creations. I love being in the forest, near the ocean, near the mountains, or gazing up at the sky feeling like a speck of dust. It is humbling and keeps me grounded. 

14. It brings me peace to believe in something greater than myself. I, personally, find comfort and meaning in believing there's a reason we're all here. That being said, I will not push my beliefs onto others. To each their own.

15. I have learned to avoid reading comments on social media. I find that they often represent the dark side of humanity and it really brings me down. I also refuse to dignify hateful/negative commentary with a response. (Of course, I read all the comments on my posts though; my friends are awesome and the best of humanity!)

16. What I emit I attract.

17. People are complex and relationships can be messy. I love the quote "Expectations are just resentments waiting to happen." If I accept people for who they are and where they're at, I am able to take things less personally and feel less disappointed.

18. If you surround yourself with people smarter than you, you will learn and evolve. If you surround yourself with people you view as inferior just so you can feel better about yourself, you're a pea brain.

19. There is no such thing as perfect.

20. I've learned the value of hard work but also that work does not define me. For this reason, I never ask anyone what they do for work when I meet them for the first time. Sometimes a job is just a means for survival and not indicative of their passions or purpose and that's okay. It's who we are that matters not what we do.  

21. The simplest moments are often the most magical.

22. I don't have to figure everything out all at once or have all the answers. Sometimes putting one foot in front of the other is enough.  

23. Our presence, free of distraction, is the bare minimum we can give to someone who is entrusting us with their feelings. We should treat it like the honor it is. 

24. It's not what we have but who we have that truly matters. The relationships I've forged are my most prized possession and yet not a possession at all. Relationships are a gift to be coveted and I am a better person because of my friends and family who generously share their authentic selves with me. 

25. The mind and the body are inextricably connected. I've learned to be leery of my thoughts and the rabbit holes they can lead me down.  

26. When I find stillness and turn off my thoughts (not easy!) I see the magic in the ordinary. Miracles really do happen around us every single day.

27. Love and soulmates are not limited to romantic relationships, nor do I think we only have one. I have been beyond fortunate to have many.

28. The adage is true, venturing out of my comfort zone really does help me grow. Doing things that scared me taught me that I am capable of more than I could've imagined and helped me gain self-confidence. Sometimes I can try my best and still fail; that's what cultivates resilience.

29. Not everything happens for a reason but many things do. Maybe this is just a coping mechanism, but it feels good to trust the Universe.

30. The human spirit is indomitable and capable of far more than the human mind.

31. I don't believe the best is yet to come. I believe the best is what you make of it. My life has been a collection of "bests" and if I keep thinking that something better is coming down the road, I miss out on how wonderful 'now' is.

32. In the era of social media, after seeing lives lost I have learned to treat my Facebook page as a small piece of what I will leave behind. Before I post anything I ask myself If I were to die tomorrow is this how I'd want to be remembered? and If someone were seeing my page for the first time, is this an accurate representation of who I am?

33. Being Myles' mom continues to teach me so much, including how important it is to slow down and that forgiveness doesn't have to be hard.

34. A person doesn't have to have the same beliefs as me for me to love them, but I do have hard lines that cannot be crossed. I will not tolerate racism, homophobia, antisemitism, etc. If you have to put someone down to feel better about yourself then you are not my kind of people and I'm comfortable enough in my skin to admit it. 

35. "If we can't self-observe, then we can't self-correct." - Chris Heuertz

I do myself and those around me a disservice when my ego tricks me into thinking I'm always right and that I make no mistakes. I have learned to keep my ego in check and acknowledge my shortcomings so that I can work on correcting them.

36. It's okay to ask for and/or accept help. This was one of my hardest lessons to learn and I really only came to make peace with this recently. I can't stand the feeling that I'm putting people out or making them go out of their way for my benefit. It always made me feel deeply uncomfortable and I always thought that people were just being polite. 

Over time, some beloved friends and family taught me that it really does make them feel good to help, that it's not selfish of me to accept it, and that it doesn't make me less of a person to need help from time to time. They have shown up for me in ways that I will never be able to repay and it has humbled me to my core. 

37. Tying into #36, I have also learned that it is not my place to assume what someone else may be feeling. It is much more effective to ask the person directly. 

38. Intention matters. When I make decisions with kindness and compassion in mind it almost always leads to better outcomes and I feel more at peace. It feels good to truly want the best for others instead of letting envy or judgment take up residence.  

39. I've learned the importance of eye contact and a smile with strangers and acquaintances alike. If I see good in someone, I say it.

40. While miracles do happen every day, so do tragedies. Think about the thousands of car accidents that happen every day, freak accidents, natural disasters, and even the hundreds of thousands of people who have died from COVID-19. Each and every morning I awake is a beautiful and miraculous gift. Even on bad days, I still feel lucky to be alive; to have eyes that see, limbs that work, hearing to hear Myles' sweet angelic voice, a heart that's beating and lungs that are breathing. That alone is something to be grateful for and the foundation of my every day.    

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I know you have learned some great lessons yourself. Please feel free to share something you've learned in the comments section below. We're all in this together. 

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