Funkytown
Good news: After 4 weeks of IV antibiotics, I was freed! I know 4 weeks may sound like a long time, but compared to my last 13-week course of IV antibiotics it was more or less a walk in the park (with a few bumps here and there). While this was a shorter, successful course by data standards (my PFTs and blood counts) I'm still not feeling as well as I'd hoped, yet most definitely better than when was 5 weeks ago.
By all accounts--being freed from IV abx; free to enjoy the magic of summertime in New England--I should've been on top of the world, but I wasn't. Instead, I found myself stuck in a funk I couldn't quite shake.
I knew why. I knew the antidote. Yet still, I couldn't seem to flip the switch. I'm guessing some of you reading this may relate, which is why I'm sharing this vulnerable piece of myself; to show that I don't have it 'together' all the time and to share what helped me through it.
The root of my anxiety was threefold:
- I had been under a lot of stress (not all health-related) without an outlet to release it.
- Life had been go-go-go and I still didn't (and still don't) have the energy to keep up with it all, which is frustrating. I am a creature who needs downtime to recalibrate and ground myself, so when I get caught up in the current of busyness, I tend to lose sight of land and feel untethered in my thoughts.
- I'd fallen out of the present and became trapped in worries about the future. Giving my energy to the future accomplishes nothing and jolts me out of alignment with the peace and joy that's right here right now.
Once I figured out where the funk was coming from I began to work through it. What helped me may not help everyone, but it may help one person so I will share:
- Acceptance. The more I resisted the unpleasant feelings Funkytown created, the more powerful they grew. So I sat in the yuck.
- I prioritized meditation again; not in long stretches, but something is better than nothing so I started with 5 minutes and increased from there.
- I spent time with people whom I adore. Funkytown can be isolating so being with others helped me get out of my head and become present again.
- Last but not least, I spoke to my therapist about it. It helped to get everything off of my chest and she helped to give me a calming perspective.
And there ya have it, folks. It didn't get better overnight, but little by little I began to find my way out of Funkytown and tether myself back in the present. I am lucky in that I don't find myself in Funkytown often, but each funk teaches me something about myself and gives me life tools.
It's never a good feeling to lose my sense of inner peace and joy, but eventually, I always find it again and appreciate it more having lost it. To anyone who may be in Funkytown now, it will get better and I will gladly sit in the yuck with you until it does. Love
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