What the F?

Well this certainly isn't the grand finale I had in mind!

What was supposed to be the home stretch, has been yet another curveball. A curveball that resulted in an unexpected (and unwanted) hospital admission. 

Things went south real quick on Monday and got even worse on Tuesday, which landed me an urgent "sick visit" in CF clinic Wednesday morning and back in the hospital by evening. It turns out I have the Flu. Yup, the flu! And to twist the knife, I also gave it to my Myles. Talk about guilt! Thank goodness I had the wherewithal and some incredible helpers to start Tamiflu on Tuesday, even before I had a swab done. 

Hopefully this will be a short stay at "the Inn," we're taking things day by day. My lungs are still bleeding a little, but nothing like last weekend. One thing we know for sure is they will not be pulling my line this week after all. They said the flu is too "dangerous" and that I need a little more time on IV antibiotics to protect my lungs.

Had I written this post last night, it would've been riddled with sadness. No joke, yesterday was such a grueling day and I was so exhausted I was ready to march right out of here, fighting back tears. 

Had I written it this morning, it would've been saturated with frustration -- both that I can't be home to help Mark take care of Myles and that this is where I've landed after such a long journey -- juxtaposed with gratitude that we have an answer and I'm in great hands.

As I write it now (Thursday evening) I've made great strides towards acceptance and peace.

All of this to say that when we go through trying times, a roller coaster of emotions usually comes attached. I'm fascinated by how much a little time (and sometimes energy) can carry us from one emotion to another like an ocean wave. I suppose that's where the expression "Hang in there" comes from; if you can buckle up and sit with the hard stuff eventually the human spirit prevails. At least that's what my experience has been.

One of the things that helped me tremendously today was the sun. I was temporarily placed in a super fancy room with not one, but TWO windows, with shades that work and the most glorious sunshine gleaming on my pale skin. I basked in that sunshine every chance I had and crossed my fingers that I'd be able to stay in the room long enough to see the sunset (sunsets are my compass.) I was able to catch the sunset and it was exactly what I needed. While I may be malnourished from the flu, the sun today was superfood for my spirit, and sometimes that's equally as important. While I'll have to switch rooms eventually, the room went much appreciated today. 

I also got to spend time with my favorite physical therapist who always brings me joy and gently pushes me to do a little more than I think I can. 

Last but not least, I want to give a big shoutout to my husband, who took the day off from work yesterday to schlep me up here in the snow, patiently spent most of the day here, pushing Myles and I all over the place in a wheelchair because I was too weak to walk, and is holding down the fort with a very sick little guy. Thank you, darling!

Looking forward to making even more progress tomorrow...