Redefining "Good"

   

(Clearly I'm not a "selfie" pro)

     I am happy to report that last week was a productive one--both physically and mentally.  After 5+ weeks of IV antibiotics, 3 weeks of oral antibiotics, 2+ weeks of inhaled antibiotics and several other Western medicines failed me, I decided to go back to an Eastern approach...and it's helping!  I'm finally starting to feel better and regain functionability.  I knew it has been a long road, but could really see it all over my husband's face when he came home from work a few days ago and was excited to find me perky and productive instead of curled up on the couch [small victories].  He could see that I was starting to feel better and I could see just how bad things have been.

     Mark introduced me to a mangosteen juice called Xango years ago.  Since it's on the expensive side, I've only piddled with it occasionally and had seen some benefits but was never 100% sold...until now.  Yup, I'm officially a believer.  It's not a magical cure by any means, but after only a few days of taking it I immediately noticed increased energy, decreased pain (mostly joints and lungs), decreased acid reflux, and the best sleep I've had in many, many months.  While I'm still continuing all of my Western medicine, I fully credit the Xango juice for giving me the much-needed upswing I've been so desperately waiting for.  [Note: I do not sell Xango and have nothing to gain by advertising the product; nor am I trying to push it on anyone.  I am just sharing my personal experience in hopes it may help someone else.]   

     I am thrilled with the physical improvements I made last week and feel that it gave me the space needed to have a small mental breakthrough as well: redefining my "good."  In other words, now when you ask me how I'm feeling and I reply "Good" it will have new meaning.  My 'good' will not be 'good' in the traditional sense, but it will still be honest and sincere.  Still with me?  

     Each and every day I am still having acute pancreatic/gallbladder pain (some days worse than others), I still have rattles in my left lung that will not budge no matter how much physical therapy/treatments I do, I'm still having a hard time breathing and need my 'rescue' inhalers multiple times a day, it's still a conscious effort to take deep breaths, and I'm still needing a midday nap here and there.  Despite such symptoms, I do consider this 'good'.  It's a vast improvement from how I was feeling just two weeks ago, so I will gratefully embrace it!

     I've realized that (luckily) I am getting older and that CF is a progressive disease [duh!] and I accept that my body is not what it once was.  I accept that my definition of feeling 'good' needs to adapt.  I accept that my body will forever keep me on my toes and toss me challenges.  But don't mistake my acceptance for surrender, not for one second.  I will never be defined by my PFTs, x-rays, or energy level and I will never cease striving for improvement.  I was just discussing this kind of acceptance with one of my nearest & dearest the other day and we both agreed that acceptance does not mean giving up, but rather acknowled-gement that you've done everything in your power to improve a situation and are left with parts completely out of your control.  Once you make that distinction, you can either waste your energy trying to change the unchangeable or you can accept that it is what it is and free that energy for more positive things, like peace, love and joy.  I opted for the latter and that's exactly what I feel.     

     To capitalize on this progress, my immediate goals are to get back exercising, gain a few pounds (which ironically happens once I start running), start a new enzyme to help my pancreas and try with all my might to avoid germs as much as I can.  While those 4 things will help me feel even better, I am just so appreciative to be feeling human again; abundantly peaceful and full of love. 
      
[Sidenote:  For anyone interested in trying Xango, the cheapest place I've found it is Amazon, and you only take a few tablespoons/day so one bottle lasts a while.]